Luca at 8 Months

 

It's official, I am the mommy of an 8 month old! I know everyone always says, "I blinked and now my baby is so big!" But seriously, I blinked... I thought time went fast before I was a mom, but now time is functioning on a whole new level. And that level is too fast.

So in the blink of an eye, I now have an 8 month old who crawls, stands up (assisted), claps, says "dada"(still working on "mama"), feeds himself finger food, holds his own bottle, and has 2 teeth. He no longer will lay in his Rockaroo and he gets bored pretty quick in his exersaucer. All he wants to do is explore! He has already figured out all the things he shouldn't touch and makes a B-line for those things the second I turn around (ahem, dog food...). He is constantly trying new food, and is becoming less and less interested in nursing. My heart could break. He loves oatmeal, bananas, any combo of fruit that involves bananas, peas, yogurt, and ice cream... oops. He hates peaches, don't ask me why, and squash. We're working on drinking apple juice. Some days he loves it, others not so much.

This month Luca did and tried so many new things I'm sure that I am forgetting something. Seriously every day I had my phone out recording his newest accomplishment. This month was magical.

Still, as exciting as this month was. Today, there were tears in my eyes. Stupid me looked back at old pictures on my phone. Pictures of my precious baby in my belly. Pictures at the hospital. Pictures of my 8 pound little munchkin who barely looked like he should fit in his car seat as we took him home from the hospital. And just like that I had a knot in my stomach. Where did the time go? And it's only going to get worse... so I've heard.

Today was just an ordinary day. Church, come home, eat lunch, take Luca's picture (he was happy this time, yay!) try to get him to nap... and yeah, he decided today that wasn't going to happen. Sundays are always rough because church falls right when Luca should take his morning nap. Sometimes we get lucky and he falls asleep on the way there in the car, but if he doesn't... well let's just say the rest of our day is not so fun. And today was one of those days. Once 4 o'clock hit we had a very unhappy baby. So I nursed him, laid him in his crib, turned on his sound machine, kissed him, left the room... screaming... And I don't mean a few little sobs for a couple minutes. Legit. Screaming. He wasn't sad I wasn't holding him, or sad he was alone. Nope. He was angry. Overtired. Devil Child. After 15 minutes I went in to comfort him. It only made him scream louder. So I left. And, basically repeat everything I just said for the next hour. It was awful. I sat on my bed a lot of the time because when he gets like this I cannot accomplish anything. And as the minutes drag on I find myself getting angry. It got to the point where I knew he wasn't going to fall asleep, but inside it's a battle. And I. Must. Win! So John, being the kind, compassionate parent that I was not in the mood to be, went in Luca's room to comfort him. Horrible me... I got even more mad. Because, now I lost. And if Luca wasn't going to sleep before, he definitely wasn't going to sleep now. The battle was over. And just like that my anger turned to guilt and I couldn't let him cry a second longer. So I went in his room, picked him up, and held my baby. Yes, he is still my baby. I walked back to bed, put my now quiet baby on my chest and just held him.

I knew all I had taught him was that if he cries for an hour, mommy will come rescue him. But I didn't care. I knew he was going to fall asleep in my arms within minutes and that last hour of torture was all for nothing. But I didn't care. All my son wanted was for me to hold him. And now that's all I wanted too. My mind went back to the pictures. The thousands of pictures I've taken of my son. And then started the tears. Not his anymore, but mine. Time is a thief and all those moments are gone. But now I had this moment and I did not want to just let it pass in a blink. So I held him tighter and watched his eyes drift. And we sat there. Me and my baby. Time stopped. It was heaven.

As each month goes by I'm a mix of emotions as I'm sure every mom is. Happy my baby is getting bigger, showing his personality, but at the same time sad. Sad to see my baby grow up and need me less and less. Just a year ago I was carrying his heart inside me and now that same heart is beating just in him. Each day he becomes more independent and it's hard, yet incredible to watch. I love it and I hate it, but I think I mostly love it.

Luca, I love you. And as each month, day, hour, and second goes by I love you more and more. So as hard as it is to watch you grow up, please keep on doing it. Because I cannot wait to see how much more I will love you. Right now it doesn't seem possible that I could love you any more, but I know I will.

Yep, I already do. <3

His 2 little teeth.