Part II of III. Yes it's wordy, yes it's long, and probably way to detailed. But how can it not be when you're documenting the precious story of how your child entered this world...
"I have prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27
Photo by: Today Everlasting Photography
So there I was… 39 ½ weeks pregnant. Hormonal. Exhausted… (Because for the last month I had not gotten more than 3 hours of straight sleep due to a huge baby whose huge head was sitting directly on my bladder and I, just like I’m sure every other pregnant woman out there, had HORRIBLE heartburn that kept my up at night.) So let’s just say I was not in the state of mind to be making such a huge decision.
I felt like I had a little
angel and a little devil on each shoulder. You know, like you see in the
movies? One was telling me, “You’re tired, you’re done, just have a C-Section
tonight and be done with it! You want to meet this baby don’t you!?” The other,
“You are strong. It’s only 1 week out of your whole life. The baby is not ready
to come yet. Give it time. Be patient.”
I was literally sweating.
Upset. Anxious.
I looked at John with the
most pitiful look I could muster, but I could tell he wanted me to wait.
I did Not want to.
But I did.
Eyes watering, I walked
out of the Ultra-sound room. I went to the front desk and made an appointment a
week from then… October 12th. Are you kidding me? I was supposed to
have this baby days ago and here I am making an appointment for mid October!
*Side note: I forgot to mention earlier that my
initial due date according to my cycle was September 29th. But after
our first early scan at 8 weeks, my Dr. told me the baby was measuring at 6 ½
weeks and changed my due date to October 9th. So keep in mind during
all of this that I actually felt like I was 41 weeks pregnant. I know were
talking days here, but to a pregnant lady a week and a half is a long time!
I almost felt embarrassed.
Why was my body not doing what it was supposed to!? Why…
John and I got in the car
and I broke down in tears. And they did not stop. We stopped by my parent’s on
the way home and I remember feeling angry as we walked through their door.
“He (The dr.) is making me
wait. I have to wait a whole ‘nother week!” I told my mom and then plopped down
in the living room and I cried and cried and cried…
Thinking back, it’s kind
of embarrassing how I acted. Ok.. A lot embarrassing! But I was upset. For the
past month I was told I was going to have this baby early and here it was,
October 5th, almost my due date and my body was acting like I wasn’t
even close..
I don’t even remember
getting up from that chair. I must have eventually. We went home and I think I
just went to bed.
I woke up the next
morning, still upset, but in a much more rational state of mind. Any other time
in my life I would be loving this. I had a week, A WHOLE WEEK of nothing to do.
I wasn’t working anymore. I had no responsibilities other than keep the house
in order and get ready for a baby. I can do this. But it felt like torture…
So I kept myself as busy
as I could. Fixing up the nursery, visiting my family, sleeping, watching every
daily talk show known to man, cuddling with my dog… Rough life..
But in my mind, it was.
All I could keep thinking about was the fact that I was basically sitting
there, waiting to have a C-Section, when I could have had one days ago and be
holding my baby right then and there.
I can so vividly remember
going to church on the 11th … Two days after my due date. Everyone
asking me, “Why are you still here?” “Where’s the baby?” Again, I felt
embarrassed, and horrible me didn’t even want to go to church that morning
because I knew I would get asked those questions over and over. Not okay…
This is the point in the
story where it is so evident that I am a sinner in need of God’s grace. And
deep down I knew how I was feeling was wrong, but I didn’t even care. I just
wanted my baby and I wanted him or her now!
John and I came home from
church and decided to have a relaxing day. My appointment was at 11 o’clock the
next morning and it was almost a guarantee that we would be going to the hospital
soon after that. So we just wanted to
spend time with each other, resting and preparing for the crazy, exciting days
ahead of us!
Around 8:00 pm we decided
to put in a movie. We had been re-watching the Bourne movies and were on the
last one, The Bourne Ultimatum. John and I have a joke about this movie… I’ve
watched it multiple times and I have seen the entire movie, but never straight
through. I always fall asleep at some point and a couple times I’ve woken up to
see the end. Just something about that movie, I cannot make it through…. And to
this day that still holds true…
Well, at about 9:00
o’clock I went to the bathroom… woohoo, made it a whole hour! While I was in
the bathroom I noticed some spotting… My. Heart. Dropped. Was this a labor
sign? I had read it could be. Oh please, oh please, oh please. I went back to
the couch, told John, and kept on watching the movie… That’s when they started.
I was getting what felt like nothing more than period cramps. They would last
for less than a minute and go away. Then come back 10 or so minutes later… Were
these contractions!? I had no idea what to expect them to feel like. Like I
said earlier, I had only experienced a couple what I think were Braxton Hicks
Contractions earlier in my pregnancy. And those didn’t hurt, it just felt like
my entire stomach was tight and hard like a rock.
After I experienced a few
of these “cramps” I told John I was going to go upstairs and lay on our bed. He
was like “Ok..” And continued to watch the movie while drinking his cocktail he
made for himself, so that he would get a good night’s sleep that night to
prepare him for the next day… HA! HA! HA!
So there I laid. I-phone
in hand, timing these, what I hoped with all my heart were contractions. I still
have the note in my phone..
9:48
9:5910:06
10:11
10:18
10:25
10:33 (small)
10:36
10:49They were close right from the get-go! Not as painful as I expected, but it was early. So I was questioning myself. Is this real? Am I just overreacting? “John!?! What should I do!?!”
We decided it would be
best to call the nurse. So around 11:00pm I did. I explained everything to her
and to my surprise she said we should head right to the hospital! What!?!?!
It was the end of the day.
My hair looked like crap, my make-up was half gone. I wasn’t ready for this!
Just like a week ago, I
had it all planned. I was going to get up, shower (shave my legs, haha) curl my
hair perfect so it would look good for a couple days, do my make-up… Can you
tell I was way too worried about the non-essentials. Always planning, planning,
planning, but my Creator had a different plan… And that was… You’re having a
baby right now. Get in the car. It’s time to go!
So I re-did my make-up as
fast as I could, while John packed himself up. Not my best work of art in the
world! Also, all that planning and packing bags ahead of time, and we forgot to
pack a bag for John… hence he was mad dash packing!! Learned that lesson for
the next time around… He barely had anything at the hospital for himself…
And just like that we were
in the car, on the way to the hospital, to have OUR BABY! I still couldn’t
believe it. I kept second guessing it. Trying not to get my hopes up. But it
was real. I was in labor. I was going to meet my baby very very soon…
No comments:
Post a Comment