Baby Wearing With BELUGA BABY

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with Mabel I knew I wanted to try baby wearing. For some reason, with Luca I didn’t wear him at all. But as soon as all of these trendy moms started popping up on my Instagram feed, wrapping and slinging their snuggly little baby bundles I instantly regretted not sharing that experience with Luca. I knew the second I had another baby I was going to hop on the baby-wearing bandwagon, and my goodness I haven’t looked back since.

Sure, wearing your baby – especially your second baby – is all sorts of convenient. I want to take Luca out, but Mabel needs a nap: baby wear. Time to go to church, but service times out right when Mabel needs her morning nap: baby wear. I really need to clean up the kitchen but Mabel is teething and being extra clingy: baby wear. I could go on and on with the convenience factor, but what I didn’t know when I started wearing Mabel was that wearing her and keeping her close meant so much more than convenience...

It makes perfect sense. Your baby spends nine months growing inside you, hearing your heart beat, snuggled warm and cozy completely connected to you, their mommy. But then they enter this bright, cold world and we just expect them to quickly adapt and be their own person. We lay them in their swing, on the floor, in their crib. Teaching them how to be alone and independent. And don’t get me wrong, that’s good. I of all people am not one to judge that - I had both my babies sleeping in their cribs, alone by a week old. But what I didn’t realize with Luca and I truly learned once I had Mabel, is sometimes a baby just needs their mommy. The touch of your skin, the thump of your familiar heartbeat, to be close to the person who they were completely connected to for those long, nine months. During the first few months of their life, a baby doesn’t even know how to identify themselves without their mother. To them, you are the same person. They want and they need to feel close.

And of course as mothers we want that too. Gosh I wish I could just hold my babies all day long. We need that connection as well, but the pull of everyday life has a way of making that very difficult. As mothers we always have something to clean, somewhere to be and it is so easy to just lay your baby down on the floor or put them in their car seat – and again, that’s often what happens and that is completely okay and normal. But this, my friends, is why baby wearing is so magical. Just pop that baby into your wrap and keep on keeping on with your everyday life. Wearing your baby doesn’t stop you from cleaning or getting out of the house with your older children. It just allows you to do those things while keeping your baby close and snuggled up with you, exactly where they want to be. I can’t rave about it enough. 

I started wearing Mabel in our Beluga Baby Wrap** a few weeks after she was born. She loved it right away and still does today at eight and a half months old. In fact, when I get out my wrap she knows I’m going to wear her now, and she starts smiling and bouncing up and down waiting for me to pick her up and snuggle her close. If she’s ever having a fussy day or didn’t get the nap she should have, I just strap her to my chest and she’s almost always happy as can be. It calms her when we both need it and keeps her safe and cozy when we’re out and about. I love that she loves being worn! And I’m so glad I get to experience this wonderful bond with her. 

Wearing Mabel in a wrap is by far the comfiest way I’ve found to wear her! I’ve linked the exact Beluga Baby wrap we use here. The bamboo material they use is so stretchy and insanely soft! The fabric is also super breathable and Mabel never feels too hot or uncomfortable while I’m wearing her. While I also love wearing Mabel in a sling, one thing I’ve noticed is that over time my shoulder that carries all the weight starts hurting, but with the wrap the weight of the baby is distributed evenly so I never feel uncomfortable at all! Half the time I feel like I’m barely wearing her the wrap is so light and comfy! 

And I can promise you, there’s not a much better feeling in this world than wearing your baby and having them fall asleep on your chest. Completely happy, relaxed and snuggled up to you. As Mabel gets older, those moments have become few and far between, but it still happens every once in awhile and I soak it up every time! I think I’ve truly become one of those crazy, baby-wearing obsessed mamas… And you know what, I’m totally okay with that.

 

**Disclaimer: I’m not one to just promote a product unless I truly love it. I was gifted our wrap in exchange for my opinions and a review. My opinions on baby wearing and the Beluga Wrap are mine and mine alone and based completely on my experience wearing Mabel. And I can honestly say, we truly love our wrap!!

Mabel's Story

As I stare at the blank screen, my mind doesn’t know where to begin. I’ve been hesitant to write it all down. Scared I won’t do her story justice. I wish I could remember every detail of it all. And as much as I tried to live so much in the moment those first few days, I look back and I feel like it just flew by and is all a big blur in my mind. A big, wonderful, stressful, miraculous blur.

In a video John took just moments after Mabel was born. We were laying there, skin to skin. The moment I had been dreaming of for months and months. I was just staring off into space, in literal heaven while he documented the moment. The moment we were meeting our sweet baby girl. He said, as I looked up and laughed, “Here’s mama and Mabel Ruth. Relaxing, after a very short end of pregnancy,… that felt like it was never going to come.” And those words couldn’t sum up her story any more perfectly….

For months and months we waited… Waited to see the positive test. Sometimes I feel silly saying it. I know many people wait years. But I refuse to make light of those months of waiting. They were hard. With each passing month and each negative test my heart broke. I knew when we started a family I wanted children, plural. I loved having sisters and I wanted to give my children siblings to grown up with. We waited a little while after having Luca to “not care” as we say. I needed to time to fully heal, have a moment of not breastfeeding. But all I really needed was a “moment” and I was ready for number two. My giant son was no longer a “baby” and I was ready to give him a sibling. I figured after a month or two of “not caring” we’d be pregnant and on our way to a big happy family. And I had every reason to assume it would be easy. My first two pregnancies (one miscarriage, then Luca) were, let’s just say, not expected ;) So if we were actually trying this time, of course we would get pregnant! Well, those thoughts couldn’t have been more wrong. And with each month that passed my heart hurt worse, my mind started wandering to those evil thoughts of “something must be wrong with me…” Each month meant a bigger gap between Luca and his little brother or sister. I was heartbroken. I felt like everyone around me was getting pregnant, having babies, and there we were praying, trying, hoping, and each month, nothing.

August 2017 was another one of those months. We were on vacation and I couldn’t even enjoy myself. My period was due in a few days and all I could think about was if I was pregnant or not. And then on the last day of our trip it came. And I cried. Hard. Tears streamed down my face as I told John that yet another month was passing by and even he (the emotionless robot as I like to call him) was upset. It just didn’t make sense to us. I spent the rest of the day, crying on and off just sitting in a chair. Everyone else was fishing, swimming, enjoying their vacation, but I just couldn’t. I was heartbroken.

After a couple days, once my emotions settled back down I realized, I needed to step back. Here I was every single month worrying way too much about something I really had no control over. Even though those months were so so hard on me I learned a very valuable lesson through it all. We don’t make our babies… God does.

That next month I decided to just free my mind from it all. I stopped looking at the calendar, stopped stressing about “timing”, stopped worrying and gave it all to God. And without going into TMI amounts of detail, there was a very small chance that I was pregnant that month. John had just had knee surgery. Life was crazy. I was single parenting my wild toddler all while trying to help John with whatever he needed since he couldn’t get around. The busyness was almost a good thing now looking back. My mind was completely free of pregnancy thoughts, because I thought it wasn’t possible that I could be.

But then, I was a day late. Could I be? No way, I didn’t “feel” pregnant at all. But I was scared. So scared to take a test and be heartbroken yet again. I had one test left from the multiple tests I had bought those previous months. Should I take it? I was so so scared.

Saturday morning, September 9^th   I woke up. And something inside me said to just take it. Even if it said “not pregnant” at least I could be at peace and know. I told John I was going to and went to the bathroom. It was a digital test so it wasn’t going to show the results for a couple minutes. So I set the test on the bathroom counter and hopped back in bed. I was literally shaking I was so nervous. I think something inside me just knew, but I couldn’t let myself believe it. Those two minutes felt like hours but the time came to go back to the bathroom and check. I walked out of our bedroom only to find Luca reaching up with his sweet, little chubby hands toward the test. Why he was interested in it, or how he knew it was up there I have no idea, but it was perfect. My little boy handed me the test. The pregnancy test that told us his new little sibling was growing in my belly. And then I read the word. That one single word.

PREGNANT.  

I hurried back to the bedroom, tears streaming down my face. I covered my mouth in disbelief and told John. “I’m pregnant.” And I ran to him. We hugged. Time stopped. I could not stop crying. I couldn’t believe it. All the months of waiting, hoping, dreaming and just like that it was over and they were worth it all.  Not many moments top that one in my life. God’s timing is perfection. He made this baby exactly when He wanted to. And it was the exact right time for us.

One day of absolute bliss, and then reality hit, hard. Those first weeks of pregnancy are rough, for many reasons. The nausea I can handle, but the thought of miscarrying again will always weigh heavy on my heart those first precious weeks, no matter how many times I experience pregnancy. I got in to see my Doctor as quickly as I could so he could check my HCG and progesterone levels. My progesterone was low with Luca’s pregnancy and I think it could have been the cause of my first pregnancy’s miscarriage as well. So of course I wanted to know if it was low again so I could start taking the pills to raise it back up. My doctor could clearly see the worry in my eyes as the nurse drew my blood that day, and he wrote me a prescription right then and there for the progesterone so I could start taking it asap. Because taking it, even if my levels were normal was not going to hurt the baby, but it would calm my mind and ease my anxious heart. I can’t thank God enough for my doctor. So I started taking it and thank goodness I did, because my levels were slightly low. But now my mind could be at ease that I was doing everything I possibly could to keep my baby safe in my belly and it was just a waiting game. A sick, tired, nauseous waiting game.

I won’t go into detail about all the months of my pregnancy, but what I will say is they were hard. It was a good thing I had wanted this baby so bad, because I was not dealt an easy pregnancy whatsoever. Nausea from pregnancy, two stomach flus unrelated to the pregnancy, approximately 5 colds, no weight gain until almost the third trimester due to all the sickness,  a husband who travelled close to two months while all this sickness was happening, and a two year old who was just as sick as I was the entire time if not worse. And this still just scratches the surface of all I persevered through to finally meet my baby. It was not easy, but I made it and kept myself and my baby healthy in the process. I am very very thankful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, moving on to the good stuff, the really really sweet, heavenly, finally meeting that baby who was growing for 9 months in my belly, good stuff!

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I told myself to not dwell so much on the ending, the birth. But to just enjoy every moment of being pregnant and carrying this new life. With Luca’s pregnancy, all I thought about was the end. And I got my hopes up very high for an early delivery that ended up being late and so not what I expected. So this time around, I just kept it in my mind that if I go past my due date, it is all fine. Pregnancy feels so long while you’re in it, but just like that, in one single moment, it’s over forever. So enjoy it while you can, as best you can.

So at my 35 week check-up when my doctor told me I was at 1 cm and the baby was already dropped I didn’t get too excited. He said he thought I would go early, but I didn’t dwell on those words whatsoever. This is what my body does apparently… starts getting ready ahead of schedule only to slack off in the coming weeks ;) And that’s just what happened…

36 weeks, no change

 

37 weeks, no change

38 weeks, 2 centimeters… wahoo a whole wopping centimeter for 3 weeks of misery!

I kept a smile on my face all of those last few weeks. “I’ll miss this. I’ll want this back.” I kept telling myself. It felt like a lie, but of course now it’s true.

Then came my 39 week check-up…

May 14^th, 3:00pm, 39 weeks 3 days

John never comes to my appointments unless it’s one of the important ultrasounds, but I made him come to this last one. Being as I was so close to the end, I wanted him there if the doctor and I had to make any important decisions regarding the birth.

Good decision.

First off, I was at 4 cm with a bulging bag. Hallelujah! My doctor was pretty impressed as I had not been having many contractions at home. Just lots of pressure. Girlfriend was LOW!

Next came the ultrasound. My doctor does ultrasounds Every. Single. Appointment. It’s amazing. And I’m so thankful for it, as I am a worrier through and through. So seeing my baby every few weeks is such a blessing. But also challenging, as we don’t find out gender… no peeking while he measures the legs ;)

It’s usually quick. Everything looks healthy. Measure the baby (She always measured just barely under average). Done.

But this time, I noticed him taking longer.  Checking. Re-checking. And he was being pretty quiet. My doctor is not quiet…

He looked at us calmly, as I’m sure he could tell that we could tell something was up…

“Before I say anything, I want you to know I’M NOT WORRIED.” He said.

Okay…

“I’M NOT WORRIED.”

I was waiting for the, “but”

“BUUUUUUT…”

Here we go, gulp!

“The cord is right by the neck”

I know my eyes got huge. He asked me if the baby’s movement had felt “normal” the past week. I told him yes.

“I’M NOT WORRIED!”

I don’t know how many times he said this to comfort my anxious looking self…

The cord was not wrapped around the baby’s neck, but it was right under the chin. This meant a couple things. If I didn’t go into labor soon, the baby could move and it might get wrapped around. Second, my doctor was worried about the position of it at the moment. It could potentially stay right under the chin during delivery and block the baby’s air supply when they are born.

Now babies are born with the cord wrapped around their neck all the time. Usually everything turns out okay. My doctor was being extra cautious. He wanted us to be aware, but that’s why he kept repeating…

“I’M NOT WORRIED.”

He didn’t make us do anything. He told us that we could wait for me to start labor naturally and everything would most likely be fine. And according to this appointment, it looked like labor was already slowly starting. It was just a matter of hours/day(s). We didn’t really know. He said if we took that option, to really pay close attention to movement and make sure the baby was still active as usual.

However, if we wanted to play it safe, he could break my water early the next morning. That way we knew the cord-issue wouldn’t get worse. I was already practically in labor anyway. My doctor said there was a good chance I would start full on labor that night or tomorrow. So this would just insure to get things moving. Tuesday was his surgery day, so he would be there all day and be able to check on the baby and be right there if the cord situation happened to get worse.  All we had to do was show up as early as we wanted and he would just break my water and we’d see what happened from there.

He told us to think about it. Pray about it. We didn’t even have to make a decision right there. Since he would already be at the hospital in the morning, he said he’d reserve us a room and if we were a go for him breaking my water, we just needed to show up. And he said in the mean-time to take a super long walk. Labor might just start up on its own that evening.

He then left the room as John and I looked at each other. So many thoughts were zooming through my head. Of course I was a bit anxious about the cord issue. I knew everything was going to be okay, but any issue while pregnant is never fun. At the same time, I was excited. Butterflies literally filled my stomach at the thought of meeting my baby in less than a day.

It was a pretty easy decision for us. Better safe than sorry. We planned to show up at the hospital by 6 am.

I did not go into this pregnancy thinking at all that I would end up getting induced. I wasn’t for Luca, so why would I be the second time around? But if I’m being honest. I really liked it. I liked knowing, being prepared. Especially since we have a little one already! It made dropping him off at grandmas and getting to the hospital so much less stressful than if I’d have been in full on labor during it all.

So we left Luca at my parents that evening and headed home to get ready and get some sleep.

But holy moly, how do you sleep? It felt like I was 8 years old again and tomorrow was Christmas morning. Except 100x better. I got a bit of rest, but let me tell you. I’ve never had an easier time waking up at 4 in the morning in my entire life…

So obviously, I did not go into full on labor that night like my doctor thought I could have. But I was extra crampy all night long and woke up with some spotting. So things were definitely progressing! Yay!

A little after 5am we headed to the hospital. Again, just like Luca’s birth. It all felt way to chill. I’ve always pictured labor and heading to the hospital as this super dramatic, painful experience where you’re screaming and running red lights. But I’m so glad both times it has not been like that!

We walked into the hospital. Got checked in. Got our room. I got hooked up to everything. They drew my blood what felt like 100 times. Yada yada.

Around 7:30am my doctor showed up. Here we go!

He checked to see if I had dilated anymore. I was at 4.5cm. So only half a centimeter more than I was at my appointment the previous day. I honestly thought with all my cramping it might have been more, but I wasn’t too worried. He was going to break my water and of course things would progress from there. I mean, I was almost halfway and not even in full on labor…

Never assume, Alyssa. NEVER assume…

I was numb when my water broke with Luca. So I never felt what that was like. Well, Weirdest. Feeling. Ever.

 

A slight pop and then gush. And it just keeps coming. I always thought your water just broke and that was the end of it. But it was a never ending stream of feeling like you’re peeing yourself but you’re not. TMI? Sorry… It’s a birth story.

So now it was just a waiting game. Contractions started within a half hour of my water breaking and they were about 5 minutes apart and not crazy intense.

I knew going into my labor this time that I didn’t want to just sit the whole time. I did with Luca and It was so boring. I was a big maybe about getting an epidural again. My plan was to just roll with what I felt like, and if labor was taking forever I might go for it to give my body a break, but if it started moving I might try without. I have no birth plan whatsoever. Never know if that’s a good or bad thing... So while contractions were tolerable I walked. John and I did about 100 laps around the Labor and Delivery Unit. Slow and steady, all while wearing a diaper because yep, my water was still leaking all over. Most of my contractions I could even walk through.  A few I stopped. They were still about 5 minutes apart. Some were 2-3. It felt slow. Too easy.

I asked for a ball to sit on and I bounced through a few contractions. At this point it was almost lunchtime.  To be honest, I was almost proud of myself. The entire time I assumed I was in full on labor and taking these contractions that were coming like a champ. I assumed the next time my doctor checked me I would have progressed at least some. It was slow, but at least it was easy.

Well, around 1:00pm the big reality check came. My doctor and nurse came in our room and I could tell they knew this wasn’t going as planned.

“You’re smiling too much” my nurse told me. “We’ll check you, but I don’t think much has happened”

“Really!?” I said. This entire time I figured I was being this big, awesome champ about contractions. Tough girl… but I definitely wasn’t. Yea, I was in labor, but barely. My body was not getting the message.

“You’re still at 4.5” my doctor said frustratingly.

And that’s the moment I almost cried…

WHY??!!! Why does my body never do what it’s supposed to? I was so frustrated. Almost angry.

Since I came to the hospital almost halfway, ahem, stretched, I figured by lunchtime I’d have a baby.

Big fat nope!

And I knew what this meant. I waited to hear the dreaded words…

“If you’re okay with it, I want to give you some Pitocin…”

NOOOOOO… All I’ve ever heard about Pitocin is awful, painful, don’t do it, literal hell. I didn’t want it. But my water was broken, and I wanted a baby by at least the end of the day. So of course I said yes. No question, but I was so scared… and for good reason.  

I remember giving John the most pitiful looks I could muster. I knew the second that IV went in, the pain that I thought I was handling so well (haha) was really going to amp up. And guess what… it did! Duh…

Within minutes I went from a period like contraction, to feeling like my body was being torn in half. Literally. I couldn’t believe how intense it got so quickly.

I remember thinking.. “Is this what women who don’t get epidurals endure for hours!?” After probably 3 contractions I told the nurse I wanted the epidural. Whimp much? It was going to take about half an hour before I got it, and with pain like this and the rate my body was going I figured this was going to be a long haul of torture, so why not? I’m not super woman. Give me the drugs…

I remember within minutes of getting that IV just feeling completely defeated. I went from super slow, barely anything contractions and my body doing nothing to, HELLO! And feeling like a certain area of my body was being ripped in half.  

The nurse ordered the epidural and then she came in with this giant peanut shaped object. She put me on my side and positioned it between my legs and told me that doing so would help the baby drop and get things moving even quicker. Again, with the rate everything had been going, it was safe to assume we had a long way to go. ..

From that moment on is an absolute blur. We’re still talking minutes since the Pitocin started. It was crazy. Probably one contraction later and John could tell I was in some serious pain. He came over and held my hand as I squeezed his with all my might. I was feeling traumatized by the pain. Literally zero to one hundred. I think I’m usually a pretty tough person, but the thought of waiting an entire half an hour for the epidural to come had me pretty much ready to pass out. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I remember feeling like the absolute biggest wimp in the world…

Another contraction came. This was probably contraction 8 or 9 since the Pitocin and I remember moaning out loud as I repeated the “Our Father” prayer in my head over and over to distract my mind. That’s when I thought I felt the baby’s head…

No way, I’m just being a wimp. Apparently this is labor and I’m a big baby I told myself. And I let the contraction pass without saying anything to John, who was the only one in the room at this point. Because remember, this labor is going to take ages so why would anyone be in the room….

The next contraction came and I felt it again, and my body naturally started pushing the baby out! All I remember is telling John, “I think the baby is coming, get the nurse!”

Pretty sure he thought I was nuts… and he had every right to assume so. We were maybe half an hour from when the Pitocin started. I had maybe 10 contractions total. I’m not exactly sure. But it was definitely not a lot…

He was being super slow (probably not “super”, but when a baby is coming out of your body, every second feels like an hour). And in typical. “the johnner” style he didn’t freak out whatsoever. Then he couldn’t find the remote to call the nurse…!  So while I was feeling like the baby was literally coming out of my body, I had to help him search for it… he finally found it. Again probably 10-15 seconds later, but it felt like eternity!

He pressed the call button. The nurse answered. And calmly, oh so calmly. I can still hear him saying the words in my head now …

“Hey, could we get a nurse in here?”

Seriously, no panic in his voice whatsoever!! So my husband. SOOOOO my surfer dude, chill as can be in every situation, husband. I totally thought he didn’t believe me. Here I was trying to literally hold this baby inside of me because no doctor or nurse was in the room! My body arching in the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life, and calmly he says ‘Could we get a nurse?” He didn’t even indicate to them that I was feeling like the baby was coming out! He will never ever live that moment down. Ever. *eye roll*

The nurse came in as I was having another contraction. All I kept saying was “I think the baby is coming!” I literally had no idea what was going on… how was this happening so fast. Am I being a wimp? I was delirious. In pain. So confused.

I was still on my side. The nurse took the giant peanut away from between my legs and her eyes got wide.

“SHE’S CROWNING! She’s crowing!  Call the doctor.”

And just like that tons of people rushed into the room. They flipped me onto my back. I honestly don’t remember specifics here. My eyes were closed and I could barely process what was happening.

I had another contraction and my body was automatically forcing me to push. But the nurses were telling me to pant through it and to hold off. At the time I was like, are you nuts!? But I know now that they wanted the baby to come slower so I didn’t tear horribly and so my doctor could actually get there in time!”

“[the doctor] is running!” I remember the nurse saying.

And by the time I was contracting next my doctor was there.

I can see his smile now. I don’t think he could believe how fast it happened too!

“I think this baby will be here on the next push!”

And just like that. Contraction. My body pushed and I let it. Oh the pressure you feel when that baby is about to come out. It literally feels like your body is being torn in two.

How am I going to survive this!? How is this real? I was literally just given the Pitocin!?

“Look at your baby! Look at your baby!” I could hear the nurse telling me…

And in that moment I opened my eyes and saw the most perfect little head of dark hair. The little head that grew inside me for those long, nine months.

And in that moment all the pain, all the pressure…

GONE.

What a release it was.  

My baby was here. Oh how I’ve waited  for you!

They laid my newest babe on my chest. What are you? Who are you? My mind was running a million miles a minute. Trying to process everything that had happened in just those few short minutes.

That next moment felt like an eternity. I didn’t want it to end. Truly one of the most incredible moments of my life.  

I could not tell, boy or girl, because the legs were in the way when the doctor laid my new baby on my chest. And for that split second that I couldn’t tell, somehow I already knew. Even John told me later, he knew too before he truly saw and before anyone said anything.

“It’s a girl.” I thought. I just knew. Don’t ask me how. I think I truly knew my entire pregnancy I just wouldn’t let myself believe it. And just a millisecond later John and my doctor confirmed what I already knew in my heart and soul. Mabel, my precious daughter, you were meant to be mine and I was meant to be yours.  

“IT’S A GIRL!”

Then her legs moved. It was true.

I looked at John in absolute shock! We were both shocked.

A girl… We have a girl! Oh my goodness. Is this real?

My doctor asked her name.. “Mabel” And he said that she was the first “Mabel” he had ever delivered.

Mabel Ruth Genau. Our daughter. Mabel because we just loved it. Ruth because she is the 4th generation with the middle name 'Ruth'.

I held her as long as I could before they took her away to weigh and measure her. Touching her little fingers, smelling that newborn goodness, in awe that I had a second baby with a head full of dark hair. I don’t remember really basking in those first few moments with Luca because the experience was so new and I didn’t know what to expect. But with her, I let time just go. I took pictures in my head because I never wanted to forget a thing. The days my babies were born were truly the best days of my life!

 

She was 7 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches long. Almost a whole pound smaller than her brother! It wasn’t a shock though. I was smaller throughout her pregnancy and she always measured smaller too. My little peanut.

They gave her back to me and we laid skin to skin for a couple of hours that felt like minutes. Cuddling, nursing, crying tears of joy. Absolute heaven.

I don't remember anything that was going on around me those couple hours. It was just me and her. I still can't believe I get to say "her".

The one thing I do remember though, is the nurse taking out my IV and saying, "Wow, your body likes Pitocin!"

Yea, I guess so... Never again!

 

“Here’s mama and Mabel Ruth, relaxing after a very short end of pregnancy, that felt like it was never going to come.”

Oh how true those words were!

Mabel girl. How we waited for you. Months and months of negative test after negative test. Tears of frustration and confusion and not understanding why. I got pregnant so easily the first two times. Too easily. Why did God make us wait?

But of course, I understand it all now. He was making us wait for you. You, sweet girl, were the one meant for our family. Made in August, born in May. Any other month, it would not have been you. God made you, in His perfect time, in His perfect way. You were worth every tear, every nauseous spell, every hard moment, every day of waiting. And at approximately 1:20pm on May 15^th 2018, God knew we had waited long enough and decided it was time for you to join us earth side. You came quickly, intensely, but easily, completely opposite of how I pictured. After all, everything about your story had been hard and slow. But just minutes later, at 1:50pm you were laid on my chest. And my life was forever changed x2. You were here. Safe and sound. Glory be to GOD!

 

 

I love you sweet girl. I will never stop thanking God for giving you to our family. Thank you for being ours, forever.

 

 

Luca's BIG BOY ROOM

 

Luca has now been sleeping in his BIG BOY ROOM for almost two weeks! I'm not gonna lie, my heart broke a little knowing that my first baby was no longer going to be spending his nights snuggled safe in his crib, but thankfully Luca transitioned amazingly and my proud-mama feelings quickly overcame the sad ones. Nights have been an actual dream! He has gone down perfect almost every night and stays in his bed until morning. Although his 7am wake-ups have now turned into 5-6am wake-ups that include a 15 minute cuddle sesh with mama in bed as I try to get a few more moments of shut-eye while he lays on top of me and pulls my hair. But at least he's not coming into our room in the dead middle of the night. That was my worst fear! Naps, he has the occasional play session before I have to go back upstairs and tell him to get in his bed, or we've had the occasional nap on his rug, which doesn't look that comfy, but I don't even mind as long as he's asleep in his room and I get my 2 hours of peace for the day! All things aside, I don't have much to complain about regarding the transition. Luca Loo has been a champ!

 

When it came time to choosing a color theme/style for his room, I knew I wanted to do something a little out of my comfort zone. If you haven't been to my house, the majority of it is white/off-white or blue-ish-white. So I told myself it was time to try something new! I'd seen a couple insta-bloggers go dark with their bedrooms and I found some other inspo on Pinterest and that's how I came up with this green/grey color. I kept one wall white so the room didn't feel too closed in (and let's be honest, for my own sanity). Turns out, I absolutely love it and Luca's room is now one of my favorites in the house!

 

I really wanted this room to be a space Luca loved as a two-year old, but something that I wouldn't need to change in two years when he got a little older. So overall, we kept it pretty reserved but added elements here and there to still give it that "little boy's room" feel. He absolutely loves "choo choos" right now, so I thought a couple train pictures on the walls would be that little boost he needed to make the room feel special just for him. And he loves them! After we hung the pictures up, one morning I found him jumping on his bed chanting "I got a choo-choo picture! I got a choo-choo picture!" My mama heart pretty much burst right then and there. I'm so glad he loves it, because I know I do! 

 

-At the bottom of this post, I'm going to link a few of the things from his room that I have already gotten questions about!-

 

 

 

Green Paint Color - Sherwin Williams "Retreat"

White Paint Color - Benjamin Moore "Swiss Coffee"

Luca's Bed

Dresser

Book Ledges

Black & White Plaid Bedspread

Long Live Boyhood Flag

Never Grow Up Flag

Pregnancy, So Far

Well, it's 2018.. And guys, and I’m having a baby this year! How I’m 5 months through this pregnancy already, is beyond me. I know everyone says your second pregnancy flies by and I can say for the most part that has held true. But thinking about waiting another 18 weeks to meet our sweet baby feels like a lifetime away.

I’m just trying to love and embrace each and every moment this time around. Each week I carry this baby is such a gift and as hard as this pregnancy has been on my body I’m just choosing to be thankful for all of it. Every day, every symptom. The good, the bad, the ugly. This baby was wanted, prayed for, and hoped for, for a while. So I know now, more than ever, that pregnancy is not something to take for granted. I’m so blessed to be able to experience this again.

With Luca’s pregnancy, all I looked to was the end result. From the moment I found out I was pregnant it was just a countdown to the day I would hold him in my arms. Not saying I’m not counting down this time around, but I’m trying to live more in the moment. Enjoy being pregnant. Enjoy having this sweet bump, that is popping a whole lot sooner the second time! The first time around, I didn’t have a baby yet obviously, so my heart just yearned for the day that my baby would arrive. I wanted to be a mommy so bad! But this time around, I’ve been through it. I’ve experienced it all. I have a baby already in my arms. So as much as I’m still yearning for the day that I see this sweet baby’s face for the first time, I’m just trying to enjoy and embrace this pregnancy as much as I possibly can. Because I know now, I’m going to miss it. In half a year’s time, I’ll be holding this baby in my arms looking at bump shots on my phone and a part of me will want this back.

So I’m trying to document and take all the pictures I can. And sure, I’m smiling in every picture I post, but if I’m being completely honest, this pregnancy has really been a tough one. With Luca, other than some nausea for a month at the beginning and bad heartburn at the end, I seriously barely felt pregnant the whole time in between. I know now, I had it good. I was spoiled. This baby, has not been so nice to me, thus far…Between that same pregnancy nausea that lasted  from week 5 until about 2 weeks ago, 2 stomach flus, and approximately 4 colds, my body has been through the ringer since I found out I was pregnant in September. I lost 10 pounds, that I really didn’t have to lose in the first place, and I just finally completely gained them all back as of 3 days ago. And amidst all this sickness, John has been travelling what feels like non-stop and I’ve been home alone with my two year old just craving one morning of sleeping past 6:30am.

But, enough with the negatives… like I said earlier, I’m blessed. Were those last few months hard? Yes, very. But they just put me one step closer to having this baby. And sure, I might have diminished a bit, physically, but as of our last ultrasound, this baby is still growing perfectly on track.(Even though most of my nutrition the past few months has been strictly from Starbucks refreshers.)

I’ve been feeling kicks for about a month now, and my goodness are they strong already! This baby is a mover that’s for sure. Every ultrasound, my doctor struggles to get good images because this baby just won’t lay still. Makes me think we might be having another crazy little boy, even though everyone else is just convinced I’m having a girl. And no, I do not have a preference for those who have asked me already, and for those wondering! I will be absolutely thrilled either way! We have names picked out already, which is a new record for us. John and I are on completely different wavelengths when it comes to names, but for some reason this time they just clicked and I’m in love with them both. Gosh, I can’t wait to see who this little person is. See you in May, little one <3

You Are Two

How can it possibly be October 12^th again? Like every parent says, each year goes faster than the last.  I am trying my hardest to soak up every moment, but just like everyone else I have to blink, so here we are… you are two.

I feel like life these days is a never ending battle of wanting my baby to stay, well, a baby, but at the same time always looking forward to the next chapter. I sure do miss those newborn snuggles, but at the same time I cannot wait to watch Luca grow and mature to be an independent, hardworking young man. It’s a hard battle to conquer and I think as a mom I’ll never truly win. A small part of me will always look to the happy memories of the past, never wanting to let those precious moments go, but at the same time I’ll always be looking forward to the future and the happy moments that are to come.

And this year. This year. Holds so many amazing memories of my precious little boy. The amount of growth and learning that happens from age one to age two is astonishing and I got a front row seat to the whole thing. Luca is so many things. And I promised myself I would not let this get too wordy so I will just highlight the main things that come to mind. He’s joyful: rarely without a smile on his face. He’s energetic: the kid never stops moving! He’s extremely athletic: I cannot wait to be in the front row cheering for him when he’s a soccer, football, hockey, name any other sport, star. He’s loving: he gives the sweetest most spontaneous hugs and kisses. He’s for sure a daredevil: always pushing the limits and never without at least 5 bruises on his body. Some of Luca’s favorite things include, taking baths (the more water in the face the better), playing outside, wrestling with our dog, Elsie, ice cream, jumping on his trampoline, pointing out all the letters from the alphabet, cars, trucks, trains (also known as choo choos), Lightning McQueen, building towers, knocking down said towers, making messes for mom to clean up, the list could go on and on and on.

Luca, my love, you are the one who made me a mommy, a dream come true! You bring me so much joy. Thank you for all the amazing memories you have given me already. I look forward to another joyous year of watching you grow!

Happy Second Birthday my precious boy.