Luca's Birth Story: Part III

 

That feeling. Knowing that soon you will be holding the baby you’ve been carrying for 9 months in your arms. Indescribable.

 

Sitting in the passenger’s seat while John drove, oh so calmly, to the hospital felt like a dream. The best dream ever.

I don’t remember much, other than thinking, “wow, if these are contractions, this doesn’t feel so bad” (haha, haha, haha) But seriously, in the car, my contractions eased up a ton. They were more like 10-15 minutes apart and not even as bad as a period cramp. I was a little concerned that we were going to the hospital only to be sent home, but I kept my hopes up as high as I could, yet still low enough that if we got sent home I wouldn’t be a sobbing mess again. And hey, at least I knew tomorrow I was most likely getting induced no matter what… and this was a good sign that I just might be able to have this baby on my own, or at least no C-Section! Oh please, oh please, oh please!

So we got to the hospital and had no idea where to go…

You know how first time parents are supposed to be all prepared. Take a bunch of classes. Get a tour of the hospital, etc.. Yeahh, we didn’t do any of that… No real reason, other than we were probably just a little bit lazy, combined with the horror stories my nurse sister told me of all the over-prepared parents whose labor went horribly wrong. So we decided to be the opposite. Preparation level: Zero.

So John, again oh so calmly, drove around the hospital. And in the end we decided our best bet was just to go to the ER. We parked right in front of it, John walked in to make sure this was okay to do, I got a thumbs up, he went to actually park the car and I walked in. Super pregnant. Super chill.

“Aren’t all the ladies in the movies like screaming hysterically. Am I doing this wrong?” Seriously though. That’s what I thought…

I stood at the counter. Gave them my info. John walked in carrying our 500 bags. Then they made me sit in a wheelchair…

“Do I have to?” I felt like an idiot. My contractions still weren’t super bad. I could totally walk to Labor and Delivery. But nope. I had to. It was so weird.

And it felt like forever. I think the ER and L&D were on opposite sides of the hospital.

When we finally made it, I gave the nurses my info and explained to them what I had been feeling. Then one of the nurses asked if this was our first?

“Yes.”

Crazy look, followed by, “Normally, we don’t have first time parents come to the hospital this soon. I don’t know why the nurse on the phone told you to come so fast.”

Uhhhhhh… What!?

“We might have to send you home for a few hours to finish early labor at home.”

Uhhhhhh…. No. It’s almost midnight. And my contractions were close an hour ago! Put me in a hospital bed. I’m not going home for 2 hours just to hop in the car and come back…

 *I was thinking all this. I didn’t actually say it…

Then they asked me who my OB was. I told them…

“Oh, it looks like he has you scheduled to come in for an induction tomorrow at 5.”

Yes, yes he does! So no matter what I’m coming back anyway. Please don’t make me leave!

The nurses looked at each other… “Let’s take you to a room and see where you’re at.”

They didn’t sound too hopeful. I think I was getting off on pity, but I did not care one bit…

So they gave us a room. I put on a hospital gown. This was too good to be true. Oh how I hoped my contractions would pick up again and that I would be dilated!

They hooked me up to the machine to measure the contractions and the baby’s heartrate. And there I sat. Watching. Waiting. Please line, MOVE! And it was. A little. I was definitely having contractions. But I could barely feel them.

Wow, this is labor!? This isn’t so bad.. Ha!

Then, slowly, I started to feel them again. And the line was getting a little higher with each one. The nurse came in to check me. This was the real test. Come on body, please be doing what you’re supposed to be doing!

“Oh wow, you’re at 3 cm!”

Yes!!!! I. was. Elated.

“Looks like you can stick around.”

I was on cloud nine. Come on contractions. Keep on keepin’ on.

But pretty quickly my hopes reversed. I stopped wishing for contractions and contrarily wished for longer breaks in between them. Seriously, after the nursed checked me, the contractions started again in full force! They quickly turned from 5-10 minutes apart to 2-3 minutes apart, and we had only been at the hospital an hour or so at this point.

And now I know why the ladies are screaming in the movies… I think I did a pretty good job of holding it together. Ask John though, I may be making things up. But I never screamed, I don’t think I cried. I just spent a lot of time heavy breathing and staring at that screen praying for the line to go down and stay down.

“Are you getting an epidural?” the nurse asked.

If you would have asked me a month before, I would have told the nurse no… I hadn’t closed my mind to it completely, but I wanted so badly to try and experience the whole process naturally. Not so I could boast to the world that I had a natural labor and delivery, but because I wanted to feel it all. Every contraction, every push, every pain, every ounce of every feeling that existed while bringing my baby into the world. And I explained that to my OB. But at one of my final appointments he told me that I was going to want it. My baby was big and I was going to really want it. So I should open my mind to it now and be okay with it.

I respect my OB a ton. And I believed him whole-heartedly. If he thought it was a good idea, I would listen to him… I didn’t want to at first, but I can honestly say now I am so glad I did!

So when the nurse asked me, I said Yes! And since I was going to get it for sure, my thought was, give it to me as soon as you can. No sense in wasting time being in pain when I can be pain-free and resting.

She said I could get the epidural once I reached 5 cm. And at 3 am I was there! I was a little nervous about having a giant needle shoved into my back, but I just hugged a pillow and prayed and it was over before I knew it. And it literally felt like a pinch compared to those contractions that had been so close for the past 3 hours…

Ahhhhhhhh! It kicked in pretty quick and I was finally able to rest. And John did too. That cocktail had really made him sleepy… It was the wrong night for a drink hun!

So we slept.. Well, John slept. I closed my eyes and tried, but I was just too dang excited about the fact that I was meeting my baby in a few short hours and I could not fully commit to the shut-eye. So I laid there, watching the line go up and down. And I wasn’t feeling a thing! Best decision ever.

At one point, I started feeling the contractions again, so they gave me a boost of the epidural. Holy moly, talk about heaven. After that, I couldn’t even move my legs. Weirdest feeling on earth, but I was thankful for it.

So I laid there. Daydreaming about my little one that I would soon be holding in my arms. Boy or girl? I was so excited to find out.

My contractions continued on. And the baby’s heartrate was steady, perfect. All that worry about how and when this baby was going to arrive and here I was, in labor all on my own! Grateful doesn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling. God is good.

Around 10am the next morning the nurse was checking me again and that’s when my water finally broke! And I was numb. So I never got to feel what that feels like, but I’m not too worried about it…

And I was at 9 cm! Finally! That meant my Dr. was going to be there soon! I can so vividly remember him walking through that door. I was literally beaming. So proud. “I did it! ALL on my own!”

“Yes, and you are really pushing out these contractions. You are going to have this baby very soon” he said.

We did some practice pushes. And again, no class, zero preparedness. I had no idea what I was doing. But he said I did excellent and now it was just a waiting game to get to 10.

Man oh man, that last centimeter felt like forever. All night long every time they checked me there was change, but the last couple hours it seemed to slow down. I don’t think it actually did, I was just tired from being up all night and so so anxious to meet my baby!

Around 12:00 my epidural started to wear off again. And it was too late to give me another boost. But I was at 10 cm!

“It’s a little early for you to start pushing. I’d like the baby to drop more, but since the epidural is wearing off, we’re going to have you start. It might mean you are going to have to push a little longer, but hopefully that’s not the case.”

I was so excited. It was time! I didn’t even care about the fact that I might be pushing for a while. I get to start pushing!! This was the final stage. Baby I can’t wait to meet you!

At this point, I was very thankful for the epidural, because I was starting to feel the contractions again. There I was, no sleep all night, having been in labor for over 15 hours. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with the pain of those contractions that entire time and now have the energy to push!

But to be honest it worked out perfect. I was a little nervous about pushing while being completely numb… Because how do you know if you’re pushing right? I could feel every contraction now and I knew when I needed to be pushing. My Dr. had me do three, ten-second pushes each contraction. My made up technique was push pretty hard on the first two, and then give it everything I had on the last one. And it worked. My doctor couldn’t believe how fast the baby was coming. Especially since we started pushing early.

I was exhausted. But all I could keep thinking about was the fact that in probably minutes I was going to meet my baby. I was going to find out if my baby is a boy or a girl. I was going to find out if I was meeting Luca or Felicity (The two names we had picked). I kept repeating them in my head, over and over. It helped me get through those final pushes that were so incredibly hard.

I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else, but during my final minutes of pushing I was experiencing the most horrible heartburn. So bad, I was eating Tums in between pushing…

“You can see the head! There’s a ton of hair! And it’s dark!” John said.. And I threw my head back and laughed… What!? I’m supposed to have all bald children… But then, I was also supposed to have a C-Section. And here I was. God knew what he was doing. This was his plan. And I was just along for the ride.

Contraction, push 1, push 2, push 3 and I pushed with all of my heart and strength. And then it happened. The head was out and the next contraction my Dr. would guide out the body. All I had to do was push a little and then keep breathing.

Time Stopped. The moment was here. All those months of waiting and dreaming of the moment I get to meet my child and here I was. It was happening.

One final push and then breathe. Breathe. Breathe. And then I saw him. My baby. MY baby. The doctor held him up and I heard John say the words I’d been waiting to hear….

“It’s a boy!”

And I cried.

 

A flood of emotion swept through my entire body. I have a son. He is my son. I am a mommy.

 

“And what is HIS name?” My doctor asked…

“Luca… Luca John”

 

Then my doctor handed him to me. So tiny. So fragile. The most perfect little being I had ever laid my eyes on. I laid him across my chest as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t even remember how long we laid there. My son and I. Time had completely stopped. I was in heaven.

 

When I finally came back down to earth I really really looked at him. He was so beautiful. Can a boy be beautiful? Then, I remembered all those appointments. The measuring, the worrying…

He does not look huge. In fact he looks tiny. And I asked the nurse to weigh him. I wanted to know so bad.

I handed him to her and my doctor guessed Luca's weight… “8 pounds 1 ounce.”

I laughed. “Wasn’t he supposed to be a giant?”

“Oh, those measurements aren’t always super accurate. And I always measure large.”

Thanks… Thanks for telling me that… wow! And I rolled my eyes.

The nurse put him on the scale… 8 pounds 1 ounce!

My doctor was exactly right. Man was he good. But I guess he’s had a lot of practice…

 

And again I say… All those crazy thoughts and all those crazy plans in my head, pointless. All along I had expected a huge baby, 9+ pounds, and completely bald. But Luca, he was completely average in size and his hair. His HAIR! It was dark, long. The nurse had to wash it and comb it! Who was this child? He was nothing at all like I had imagined. He was better. He was God’s design. And he was perfect. Perfectly made in His image. And perfectly made for me.

 

 

Looking back on my labor and delivery, all I can think about was how perfectly it went. All the worry. All the fears. All the tears. Thinking I was going to have him early. Thinking I would have to be induced.  Thinking I was going to need a C-Section. Thinking there was no possible way I was going to have this baby on my own. And there I was. 16 hours of labor and approximately 40 minutes of pushing later and I was holding my baby. My son. My little Luca John.

After reflecting on Luca’s birth story, my mind immediately goes to one of my favorite scriptures. Matthew 6:27 “And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?” I had worried. I had been anxious. And all of that worrying did me no good. Worrying about when Luca was going to enter this world was utterly pointless. God knew when he was going to arrive. God had a perfect plan. Nothing I did or thought made any difference at all.  

Through all of this, God truly taught me about patience and trust. I did not want to wait for my baby that extra week, but I did and I made it. I thought I knew how everything was going to go and what my baby was going to look like, but I am only a human and I was wrong. It was God’s plan to have me go into labor the day before my induction. It was God’s plan that my baby weighed only 8 pounds, and it was God’s plan that my baby have a head full of hair. Small things to most people, but huge in my mind. Those things were God’s way of telling me… You may think you know it all, but just remember, I am in control...

 

 

Luca, I love you, more than words can describe. Happy First Birthday, my son.